"Erotic Empowerment" is a Self-Care Practice AND Professional Development
I've been in the adult entertainment business for over six years now, and one thing has become very clear - the most resilient entertainers are the ones who not only own and embrace their sexuality, but who resource it as a source of power, confidence, and radical independence. Possessing the ability to feel comfortable with your body, desires, and sexual expression in today's society is a huge accomplishment, especially if you own a vulva. Feel proud of your accomplishment if you're in this business, and begin incorporating a practice of erotic empowerment as a way to cultivate even more confidence and self-assuredness that will protect you from some of the challenging parts of this industry.
Erotic empowerment can be a way of asserting agency in an industry that often objectifies and commodifies us. Contrary to what it seems, we are not at the mercy of the desires of our counterparts. Yes, you can cater to the binary gaze and feel empowered in it by claiming your pleasure. Through the power of focus, you can put your pleasure above all else, use the binary gaze to your advantage, and achieve sustainable/longer-lasting relationships that center your consent, autonomy, and empowerment. When you prioritize the embodiment of your pleasure, you won’t have to do as much work to attract attention.
You don’t have to be sexy the way any other entertainer is, you get to embody arousal the way you enjoy, and your audience gets to admire you admiring yourself.
Here's what my erotic empowerment practice looks like, and how I apply it as a performer: First and foremost - orgasms. I have them often. I know my arousal response so well that I can induce it voluntarily. If you're an adult entertainer, I highly recommend you consistently explore and take care of your body (exercise, yoga, massages, etc.), and engage in sensual solo pleasure. Incorporating a practice where you become an expert on what turns you on, what turns you off, where/how you like to be touched, where/how you don't like to be touched, will give you the confidence to use your customers for your pleasure - a very profitable technique.
My lap dances are rehearsals for the real thing. Every movement I make, every stroke and touch, is informed by what I would like done onto me, and by what I could later use as inspiration for a self-induced orgasm. I see my clients as mirrors, reflecting to me how I feel about myself - which is why confidence is extremely important because sometimes, the mirror is dirty. I implore us all to wipe dirty mirrors clean with our self-assuredness. Assert how you like to be treated, touched, and cared for, and if they don't reflect back what you're projecting - move on. Dirty or warped mirrors are not worth your time and effort - unless, of course, they'd like to be disciplined into better behavior. Practice teaching your clients consent and define the boundaries for them. Show them how moving slow and being intentional creates better intimacy.
Ultimately, erotic empowerment is about claiming our power and centering our pleasure. It involves embracing our own desires and using them to create a fulfilling and rewarding career that empowers us to be our most authentic and confident selves. My wish for us all is to have robust empowerment practices, and self-care routines that grant us strength, bliss, and financial gain. May these tools and techniques bring you great fortune!
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Written by Miss Fifi, a certified Neo-Tantra practitioner and Die Happy Tonight’s resident Sensuality Coach. Attend her next “Erotic Empowerment” workshop at Rosewood Theater.