What Ifs and Maybes

Dear Diary,

I am so nervous. It kind of feels like, if I wanted to, I could make myself throw up. But we’re not going down that road...not tonight. Not right now...

I got an amazing opportunity to interview with HBO as a PA. This would be amazing because I’d be specifically assisting the writer’s room and getting to know some of my favorite content creators. I don’t mean to stick my head too far into the clouds but what if this is my big break? What if this is my Peggy Olsen from Mad Men moment? What if all I have to do is be close enough to these people...and my life will change?

I know that’s a lot of What Ifs but I have to start somewhere, right? I’m telling myself that since I got this far it must mean they like my work...and that has to count for something. Maybe they see something in me that I can’t see in myself. But now what? If this is my chance how do I make sure I won’t fuck it up? There’s no one I can talk to about this...how am I supposed to dress for an interview when the job isn’t even well defined. Like if I Google PA what even comes up...ugh, I’m freaking out!

Maybe I’m worried about the wrong things. Maybe I need to focus on potential interview questions...or filling gaps in my resume. These people work in show business, they can smell BS a mile away...omg, there are too many Maybes and What-Ifs in my life right now. I’m so over it.

-Until next time,

Your favorite girl ❤️