Thoughts I Have At 1:00AM

Dear Diary,

I did it again.

I am so so so (times one million) over this feeling. I am done feeling sad. I am done feeling angry. I. AM. DONE. CRYING. So why can’t I stop looking at his Instagram page?

Do I want to see him with some model drinking champagne in some stupid club? No—no I don’t. I honestly don’t even want to look at his face anymore.

Okay, that’s a lie. That is such a lie.

The only reason I creep is so that I can see pictures of his face. Does that make me weak? Am I a bad feminist for wanting to see him after he was so awful to me? Where the fuck is my pride?

 I wish he was different. Or that I was different or that, somehow we could have both stayed the same and our ‘not” relationship would have worked out. Does that make sense? How could it have worked out if neither of us changed...or if I do change will I still want him? He didn’t even ask me to change I’m just sitting here at 1am rambling to myself, loosing sleep over someone who’s clearly not thinking about me.

 I should role a J and go to bed, put my phone down and try to get some sleep tonight.