All or Nothing

Metaphysical Description of Desire 

Soft, smooth and inviting, he grips his pillow thankfully. The pillow doesn’t turn him away, doesn’t leave in the middle of the night wordless. So he lets out a sigh of relief and pulls a blanket around himself. Only with the warmth of the pillow and blanket engulfing his small frame does he sleep. The first decent sleep he’s had in weeks.

Reference

October 5, 2018. 

New York, New York.

Continued

Whenever my mind wanders it finds its way to you. Baby I can treat you better than he can. And any girl like you deserves a gentleman. I shouldn’t have let you hold me.

Metaphysical Description of Desire 

Loneliness reminded them of its presence when they least expected. If I was your woman, if I was your man, I would treat you better than he can. Ask me to love you. 

No.

Why not.

Because I asked someone before. And she agreed. And we lived happily for five years until she decided she didn’t want to love me anymore. So he clutches his pillow tighter and I let him. Having some of him is better than nothing.

Reference

Text messages. Approximately 737. May 18, 2018-November 20, 2018.