Club Bloomberg

Dear Diary,

I woke up in the middle of the night because I had a thought...not really a dream more like a pressing weight that I couldn’t shake off. It was terrifying. I think, I almost woke up screaming.

It’s like we can try as hard as we want but we’re slaves to our emotions and instincts. We’re slaves to our experiences and there’s nothing we can do about it. It’s like we don’t have free will. As children we do, sure, but then things happen and keep happening and eventually you’re just a vessel of emotions that’s been trained to react.

God, maybe I shouldn’t have taken an Adderall yesterday.

Anyway, all this is to say that maybe I’m not over Jeremy. I’m not over him even though he’s happy and in LA and living his best life without me. Maybe that’s the reason I’m freaking out on Ryan...or maybe my feelings are valid and I need to start listening to them.

 Maybe I should stop this whole race, quell my desire to get into club Bloomberg, delete all the numbers in my phone, and get back to what really matters. But I’m confused...I’m not even sure what that is. Okay, enough of my late-night thoughts. I’m sure if I take a melatonin I can go to bed.

Pray for me. 

XOXO