Mr. Right Now

Dear Diary,

I still have a crush on Jeremy, my 32-year-old roommate. Bearded, beanied, bespectled Jeremy. He’s a consultant for Addias, an adjunct professor at NYU, and the man of my dreams. I hate to be cliché, but even if he’s not Mr. Right, why can’t he be Mr. Right Now?

He’s almost never home. His job has him working at odd hours and he teaches evening classes on the weekends. Here’s why I like him, besides the obvious (he’s cute and smart and funny...though not especially nice...which may be why I like him...anyway..). Handsome doesn’t begin to describe him, he has a boyish quality to his face which is kind of offset by the ruggedness of his attitude.

What I mean is, he’s full of contradictions. He looks young but he acts much older, he’s smart but he doesn’t talk much...he seems like he likes people, but he only has a small circle of friends. I can’t tell how he feels about me.

Like I said, it’s not that he’s nice or especially polite. I just feel like he listens when I talk...he actually hears me and thinks about what I said before he responds. It’s like that movie Pulp Fiction, he listens instead of waiting to talk. He has a way of calming me down...if I’m freaking out about something, he’ll let me vent for a little while before coming up with a really obvious solution to whatever was bugging me.

At the same time, he makes me nervous in a way I haven’t decided is good or bad. Around him I’m less confident, I’m more self-conscious of my age. He calls me a “kid” and I hate it, but I can’t help but feel that he’s right. He makes me want to scale a mountain or write a Game of Thrones length novel, just to show him I can. But I don’t know if that’s a good thing. Good guys aren’t supposed to make you feel insecure, are they?

I don’t know any of the answers to the questions I just asked...I guess I just have to live a little bit more and figure it out.

-XO