To Retire or not to retire.

Somedays I feel as though this job is aging me. It takes its toll on my body. I only have so much energy to give. There are only so many times I can have the same conversation. Somedays it feels impossible to go to work, yet impossible to do anything else.

Somedays I love this job more than anything, I fall on my bed, exhausted at the end of the night and shout “thank fucking god!” For the monetary power, for the excitement, for the connections, for my independency.

Somedays, I wish I could make everyone see what it looks like, how it feels, and that there is nothing wrong with my profession.

Somedays I contemplate retiring. Retiring into the lap of a sweet sugar love that will spoil me and give me all I could ask for.

Somedays I want to give it all up, move somewhere no one can find me and begin again from nothing.

But most days, I’m just feeling myself.