Bad Feminist

Dear Diary,

 You know something I love that I really wish I didn’t? That feeling of triumph at someone else’s expense—and I don’t mean random people. I couldn’t care less about the person who comes after me in a race or receives third prize after I get first, I care about the people who didn’t think I would place at all. I like seeing the look on their faces.

 It’s problematic. I want to support all women, but I can’t stand women who don’t support me as well.

Allow me to explain further.

 Once, in undergrad, my professor really liked an essay I wrote, and she encouraged me to submit it to the Program of Writing and Rhetoric for the Excellence in Undergraduate Writing prize. I didn’t think I would win because literally the best writers from every honors class would submit something. She even asked another girl from my class to enter the contest as well. Imagine my surprise when I won.

 I was so happy I was glowing when I went into class the next day. So was Bethany, the girl my professor also asked to enter (my professor was feeling herself, by the way, because two of her students beat out everyone else). Anyway, we start talking and I can just feel...Bethany thinks I won third place. She didn’t say anything, but it was the look in her eye and the tilt of her lips, her smile turned into a smirk when she asked:

            -Oh, did you get any money? Since I won second place, I got 200 dollars.

And I wasn’t going to say anything, I really wasn’t.

- Actually, I won first place, so I got 500 dollars.

 You should have seen the look on her face.