Might be, Maybe

Hi diary,

I’m still waiting to hear back from HBO. I hope it goes well, I’m so anxious. And it sucks because I know they’ll call me sometime next week, but I don’t know when. Now, every time my phone rings I get excited because I hope its them...also, I’ve been super horny and I don’t know why.

Maybe it’s because Jeremy moved to LA. It’s officially over, we’re over, and he’s gone. It’s like I’m coming to terms with the truth...we’re never going to be together. He doesn’t love me, he doesn’t see me as a person he can spend the rest of his life with. Maybe I’m too young to think about forever but...the alternative is thinking about sex.

I don’t know why, but whenever I get anxious and sad, I get super horny and latch onto the first available guy. I’ve been thinking about it and maybe that’s why I got so attached to Jeremy in the first place. When I met him, I was an emotional wreck, and he made me feel better. Maybe I should stay home tonight? Looking for my next Jeremy might be perpetuating a vicious cycle.

Might be, maybe...it’s so weird, growing up. I’m old enough to see these patterns but too young and stubborn to change them. Oh well.

-💋